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11 October 2011 @ 11:29 pm
Saccharine and Cyanide  
No matter how hard I try, I just can't keep from failing. This world seems designed to trap you, and when you fall - keep you down.

So once again, I come here to haunt the blank HTML filled boxes that is LiveJournal. Most of my friends are gone, and haven't posted in a really long time. But I'm still here, just like always. I see without being seen, know without being known. At least I'm sticking to what I'm good at.

Professional lurker, that's me. Decade long lurker on he-man.org, not allowed to join. Even Facebook's losing its charms, not that it ever really had any. Just an easy way to keep in touch with friends spread across the country.

Oh my dear God in heaven, please don't tell me I actually liked a Justin Beiber song. This is what the desperation of my current situation has driven me to - looking up really bad music on youtube at quarter after eleven at night.

I feel empty, and then happy, and then empty again. It's a sick cycle, the lows increasingly low and the highs decreasing in not only frequency but also potency. Yes, I'm sure I'm depressed but who isn't really? There's so much wrong out there it's hard not to feel completely banjaxed on the inside as well. I know you know exactly what I mean.

So much of what I put into myself is just crap, and I guess it's true what they say that you get out what you put in. Reap what you sow, karma's a bitch, life sucks and then you die. But, at least for a little while, the things I like are nice and make me feel like there's still something worth holding onto in the world. Christ, I feel like a machine that long ago ran out of fuel but still somehow managed to keep functioning.

Seriously, why would youtube even give us the choice to skip ads? Who WOULDN'T?

Tomorrow's a brand new day, exactly like every day before it. Coffee in the morning, fake smiles until four, somewhere there's food, more fake smiles, and then time to sleep off reality until it's time to do it all over again.

Oh, who even cares at this point. Hell, even I'm sick of reading this drivel.
Current Mood: blahWhatever.
Current Music: Don't even ask