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27 September 2011 @ 11:30 am
Somewhere to Belong  
Well, it's come and gone. The first annual Powercon - a He-Man and She-Ra convention.

After months of anticipation it, like all other good things, has ended. I went into it expecting a great many things, and my hopes were not in vain. I had a blast, and it didn't (as so many wonderful things tend to do) feel like it ended before it began. The people were amazing, so friendly, and I got some really cool swag. Posted below is a list of things I got:

~Two MOC Battle Armor He-Man (MotUC) and Moss Man (a third because I love him so much)
~A commemorative art book filled with early production designs
~A commissioned portrait of Frosta
~An exclusive mini-comic signed by Scott Neitlich
~Two commemorative magazines, one signed by Alan Oppenheimer
~Melendy Britt's autograph
~And two hugs and a picture from Erika Scheimer :)

And I walked away from the whole thing with something much, much more valuable. I didn't realize that it was happening at the time, but discovered it when I had made it all the way back home.

For thirty years, I've never felt like I belonged with anyone or anywhere. I'm not like other people, I don't think the same, I don't feel the same, I don't like the same things... It's always felt like me against the world. No allies, no one with everything in common. That's why I tried so hard to fit in with the furries, but they didn't really want me, and truth be told I don't really want them either.

But being at the convention, there were dozens of people around me, taking pictures of the same action figures in giant glass display cases, talking about the same things I was, buying the same things I was, getting excited over the same things I was. It was a foreign, but welcome, feeling.

And then, when I got home last night, I realized what it was - a place to belong. And I wouldn't give that up for anything. It made me feel like I'm not alone, that I was wanted, even. Do you know what a warm and wonderful feeling that is, to be liked and accepted for who you are?

While there I got to meet the administrator of He-man.org and several moderators from the forums. They all wanted me to join, become "one of the family" as Val put it. It made me feel so less alone. And that is probably the number one thing I will remember about my time spent there.

So, I'm going to work on getting into he-man.org (it's not as easy as it may seem). After all, I've been lurking there for a decade.

Maybe things are starting to turn around for me. I know that I come across as sarcastic and bitter, sometimes funny, sometimes smart, sometimes completely weird, and sometimes mean. But it's all a cover. The real me, the me on the inside is small, timid, shy, thoughtful, and far more fragile than even my own mother could guess. The internet is the great equalizer, and we're all the same here, with the same possibilities and outcomes of who we want to be. Maybe it's time I start taking a hard look at myself, and becoming the person I want to be. He's likeable, right? He's a nerd, sometimes stupid, sometimes tender, but always rad.

Inspiration and truth can be found from the strangest places, as long as you look for them. I guess mine came from a thirty year old cartoon about a guy in furry underwear that carries a sword but can't be shown literally hitting anyone.

And that's alright, because I am.
Current Mood: calmBittersweet Ambivalence
Current Music: The Birthday Massacre - Video Kid